I want something.

I want it bad. It distracts me. It maddens me. It is an obsession. Being without it makes me gloomy, disappointed and angry. 

There is a question that scares me – a question I prefer not to ask myself, but one that I force myself to think about routinely: What would happen if I got it?  That thing that I want, but don’t have.

Would I be satisfied? Or would I put a tick in that box and move on to another obsession? 

Do you long for a baby or a boyfriend? A house or a stunning wardrobe? A perfect body or a perfect relationship? Financial security? A successful career? Do you invest hours of your short life longing for something? Researching it? Moving yourself a little closer to the dream? 

Goals are good. Desire is the first step in a journey that can take us to a great place. 

But obsessions are destructive. 

I read in the Bible about two women. One was named Rachel. She wanted a baby. Her entire existence circled around this desire. For years she was miserable; she compared herself to others and she let her family know she was NOT happy. When, finally, she had that dream baby, it wasn’t enough. She wanted another. 

I do not want to be like her. 

Another woman in the Bible also wanted a baby. Hannah. Her story is similar to Rachel’s in many ways. Except that when God intervened and miraculously enabled her to have that special child, she did not take it in stride as something she deserved, moving on to the next demand. 

Her gratitude was profound. And she chose to give that child back to God. 

I want to be like Hannah. 

God has placed good things in my life and I want to live in a spirit of gracious gratitude and satisfaction, knowing that He has given me more than I deserve, starting with His own unconditional love. I want to be content.

Fixating is rarely a good idea. Try, with me, to let it go. Surrender control. Search for the blessings in your life and make a practice of mentally remembering that God is good and that He can be trusted.

Letting go doesn’t take the desire away. It’s not about giving up. It’s about surrender. It eases pressure. Trust brings relief. 

Let Go, song by Kory Miller

2 Thoughts on “Insatiable”

    • Thanks, Elise. When I came across a comparison of these two women in the book Control Girl (which I’ve been reading through for devotions), it kind of took my breath away and I saw more of Rachel in myself than of Hannah. Something I want to work on.

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