I can’t believe someone wrote a prayer like this

but…

if I’m honest

I’ve thought these things

and

reading the words in God’s presence

felt good.

I thought giving voice to secret things might forge a wall between me and Him

but

it didn’t.

It created intimacy.

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DEAR GOD,

I was making a list of things I know for sure, but when I went to write “God loves me,” I couldn’t – it felt like a lie. I believe you love me, but I don’t know it. I think you do. Your books says you do, but I guess in the back of my mind I see you as a giant Zeus – a despot in the sky. You knew Eve would eat the fruit. You created the tree. You allowed the Holocaust.

Have you heard the phrase, “With friends like you, who needs enemies?” I suppose that’s why I find trusting you so hard. Jewish families in 1941 trusted you.

You said, “My ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts are higher than your thoughts,” and I believe you, but I still brace myself for suffering I won’t understand.

I believe you have a plan, but are you painting your masterpiece with my pain?

Love. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know that you love me, and I supposed I don’t know if I love you either. I fear you and I respect your power, but I’m afraid your next move will take another chunk out of me…

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Excerpt from the book: Dear God Honest Prayers To a God Who Listens by Bunmi Laditan

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